BAD AIR BLUES, BABY........

Darn reality..... get's right in the way of my finest delusions.


After decades bopping about latin america, off and on, I guess it's been pure luck I haven't gotten malaria or dengue fever. (Wish I could have been so lucky in my early "Saturday Night Sportsman" merchant marine sailor gone dumb-ass days though.... but.... that's another story best told after 18 beers). And I have gotten mosquito bitten plenty of times in malarial zones too. But it's human nature to slowly and subtly forget history and to submerge key facts in favor of desire.

NOT your buddy.......

Coming back down to the malarial zones, especially after 6 lusciously cool years  in the pacific northwest, I've spoken with numerous expats who have had friends that have been infected with dengue or have had malaria themselves and it is not pretty, ace!! Last week a couple came through this altiplano campground who were huffing down anti-malarial cocktails and even that is not pretty.


Here's the british health services malaria zone map for travelers to Mexico:

Apparently the mosquitos respect the USA border (see, your Homeland Security tax dollars actually DO work). And here T and I are blundering around down in the darker area.... probably malarial in the lowlands though. This map is pretty generalized, as are the ones that follow of central america. For instance the west coast of baja has a very cool climate overall due to the cold ocean current offshore but I have heard of the rare malaria case even there.



What I am getting at here is malaria is no freaking trivial matter! Teddy (the rough rider himself) Roosevelt finally hung up his global spurs after getting malaria. Personally..... I have already gone through the chemical wringer with cancer and do not savor a parasite clogged bloodstream that might never clean up totally.



And it gets even dicier south of here. Here's Guatemala:

The highlands are pretty safe but lay down the smogscreen of DEET when you vacation on the coast, pal! Coastal living in Guatemala is just not acceptable because DEET eventually begins to toxify your skin. I know from building a 37 foot boat in a mosquito zone and after awhile the DEET just turned my skin instantly cherry red once I sprayed it on.


You can take your chances down on the coast..... wear long pants, sleep under a mosquito net at night, etc. but the parasitic grim reaper might get you with one random bite insect bite.



Guatemala has central americas highest mountains so has quite a lot of altiplano area (relatively) free of malaria to choose from. Not a lot of surfing and sailing going on up there though to please your average, run of the mill, anarcho-waterman.



Let's cross over to Honduras to the east. Maybe we can catch a burning fever  break over there:

Whoa...... I guess not. Actually there is a fair bit of altiplano in Honduras but I guess the brit health service decided to just write off the whole damn country. Oh well.... the USA went in there a few years ago and installed a military ruled government so it kinda goes against our general rule to avoid USA infected areas so goodbye Honduras. Nice islands out off the coast though.



Lets' head south into Nicaragua:

Well, well.... a malarial respite down in the south, according to our brit health service amigos. This coincides, roughly, with a area that was considered for a cross isthmus canal back in the day and San Juan del Sur is famous for consistent offshore breezes and good surfing waves as a result. Apparently the winds blow consistently from across lake Nicaragua so this must keep the bugs down a bit. Consistent with tradewind islands being malaria free often.



Forget Costa Rica...... expensive and too gringo-ized. Some reports state the CR expat community is beginning to shift over into Nicaragua just for this reason. CR was probably awesome back in the 50s and 60s. For now let's just cruise right on down and through to Panama:

Boquete, the current semi-altiplano darling of panama expats, is in a mild malarial zone? Maybe. T and I were there a few years ago and it's cool up there but not that cool..... and relatively close to the coast. Not known for malaria but it could happen, given a fish truck from the coast coming up and random mosquitos billowing out...... running rampant around town zapping hapless locals like a crazed weasel on meth.



You'd think Bocas del Toro, a fave anchorage of the international sailboat cruising community, would be immune due to being right smack in the tradewinds zone but I've heard it can get still there, glass off at night, and mosquitos can come off the mainland. (More and more crime there too against cruisers and expats.... oh well....).



But the azuero peninsula looks pretty good. T and I were also in Pedasi and the winds blew the WHOLE TIME we were there like a banshee, from the east to the west. Maybe you catch the same tradewind effect that clears off the bugs overall. And, for the aspiring waterman, good fishing and surfing there too. But.... Panama is much like CR cost wise. Not a good choice for the shoestring expatriate.



But.... let's qualify these maps overall. T and I were also recently in Ecuador, a month in the highlands at 7000 feet, and a month down at ocean level at Bahia de Caraquez, halfway up the coast:

I know from chatting up the locals that the southern coast of Ecuador has 6 months of the cool Humboldt current moderating its weather with strong onshore breezes and this goes all the way up to Bahia de Caraquez. T and I were there during that period. The other 6 months the warm current from Panama way comes down and it's pretty damn hot, with offshore breezes. This could be a malarial season so this map might be spot on. Notice the high, cool and relatively bug free central mountainous spine. Not a lot of waves up there, or sailboats. Oh well......



Just for shits and grins let's head on down the coast to Peru:

This is a supremely desert coast for the most part. Trujillo has eternal spring weather right on the coast all year due to the cold current offshore. And this extends right on down to the chilean border. Cross over the andean spine and you're into the amazon highlands and malaria city, compadre!!! No-No.



So..... let's recap here. From the perspective of the shoestring expatriate who is hard pressed, jack-wise, to cross the darien gap anytime soon. Maybe this is going to be you soon, driving down, finding your spot in the sun and out of the USSA microscope.



If you're not a aspiring waterman (or waterwoman) then there's plenty of altiplano spots for you to get your new life groove on. Eternal spring weather: no heating or cooling bills, flowers all year long, and if the climate change freakers are spot on you can keep going up the mountainside until you sit on the top in your underwear with a solar powered fan.



If you're a coastie then it's not near as wide open but from the maps above you have a shot in southern Nicaragua at San Juan del Sur and the coast abouts there or head south to Panama and go out on the azuero peninsula and hang in little burgeoning boutique town Pedasi or others on that coast. Friendly locals there and a pleasant rural groove.



Forget Mexico, for the long term. This place is going to the (drug cartel) dogs eventually and is the USSAs backyard playtoy.



You DO NOT want to catch malaria though. If you're tougher than Teddy Roosevelt then go for it. Our campground host, Del, caught malaria in Belize and it royally kicked his butt. There's even strains that eat your brain away and you basically can't recover from. I remember a international school recruiter from Guayaquil (Ecuador) who told me everyone eventually got dengue there like it was just something I'd have to accept as part of the package if I taught there. Nothing like a little cavalier atttitude to BREAKBONE FEVER funsies.



You pays yer ticket and takes yer chances, mate. Nothing like a little pre-planning though. And a shitpot of DEET.


EDITORS NOTE:  As in Tamara, the wife editor unit, who read this and quipped "You're gonna believe the british health service? The british are not the brightest bulbs on the planet.... they can't even keep their teeth clean....."
Oh well.......